sooo I've been doing commissions today, there's also a really dumb corrupted law was issued in my country so me and my girl did some protest posters. Sadly i couldn't go to protest cause i needed to work :(
I also hugged an oak today. I love our local oak.
First part of day was good and the second one was pretty anxious for me for no particular reason but my nervous system and mental health being freaky. It is how it is. At least I have money now, so I don't have to worry about paying rent for this month. I have to make 950 green next month though :3 To pay rent and academy debt (I don't know how I will do it, I will probably go crazy). Also my dad is ignoring my messages (he's mad at me).
Well I'm young and dumb, that's probably alright. Uncertainty fuels me with determination. I'll just continue doing stuff that I like and try to support and love myself. For example, I enjoy working on this site very much. I wish I had more time and resources to do stuff that I like, but, again, this is what it is... I like contributing to here, because I feel myself drifting away from social media to normal internet, and this feels really good. For this, I also plan being more in forums, I just need to find ones that I will like.
Last days because of a book I'm reading (I didn't get to read it today 'cause felt like I didn't have time for it) I'm trying to be aware of myself, my surroundings and about existing as much as I can. It also kinda helps me. Also I think it's funny the way I read other ppl's blogs and think "wow their life is so epic, even the supposedly bad stuff sounds nice... my life is much more miserable..." being unaware of their actual feelings and struggles... and that if ppl would read my blogposts they maybe would think the same even though mostly I'm feeling not really good mentally for past time. Or maybe I should stop saying that and that will stop me from being miserable so much. I mean. There's still stuff that I enjoy. It's just became so hard those days... Well. I'll get through it. I really should sleep now. I have used up all time for making some actual site stuff, it's already 2:40 AM now. I will try to make a small "need to do in this year/season" thing and go to sleep. Good night, internet. Someone on the street sneezes very loudly. Also my stomach grrrrrrr.
Today it was my sisters' birthday. I gifted her handmade fish (her character) keychain. But wight now, not about that.
We just had a really thoughtful conversation. She started it with her retelling me Jayvick omegaverse fanfic she'd read. (it was very interesting, also she's really good it retelling and acting.)
And it ended with us discussing some fanfiction tropes we like and very important life stuff and agreeing that our parents are horrible at parenting. I am going back to Lviv tomorrow morning and I'm both happy and sad about it. It's very sad for me that she's living in such horrible conditions... I wish I could take her with me.
my eyes hurt as i work on the cave video for some random youtube guy. i hate my job but i need money to live т-т. (though i somehow start to like comic sans font...)
ok so stuff happened me and my girl rented an appartment i've taken my art exam which turned out pretty good EVEN THOUGH EXAM PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES AND PUT A RANDOM HEAD INSTEAD OF A LIST OF HEADS THAT EVERYONE WAS GETTING READY FOR?? they're nuts.
yesterday night the city that we now live in was harshly bombed. the day before I came to my parents for holidays, and surprise surprise we almost got bombed too!! was listening to the sweet sound of explosions the whole night. this place is not safe but is my dear home.
i feel weird, i need to work and i have little money left to live for few weeks. my communication skills are none.
yesterday i returned to dorm after taking entry exams again,,,. and there was a crowd of people, an ambulance and some guys performing mrt on some guy. i thought that some random dude just had a heart attack, but figures out its a guy from our dorm who decided to jump out the window from 6th floor.......... after failing the exact exam that i just took. sweet.
ok, i need to work now. finals are soon and i've got NOTHING hahahahahahaahahahhaahhaahahhahaha
okay, so, this is my first blogpost on here. when i write this, this site is very raw. and its probably going to be raw for long, because i know only basics of html and itll take time for me to learn things.
right now, i live in a shithole with the name of Uzhhorod, in a box room in dorm. I fucking hate it here.
i am stressing lately. so much that i literally started to go bald.
i have a shit ton of work (also commissions) to do in a month before the academy finals and i literally do EVERYTHING but working. im overwhelmed. i fucking hate capitalism.
living is pricy and i am struggling to figure out how to live at all, i just turned 18 like half a year ago and what the fuck am i even doing?? though ngl i am doing SOMETHING right because i literally have the best girl in the world
also, even though technically i am a student rn, this is kinda a gap year for me. because i am leaving this shithole for another shithole (but which is probably better.)
i need to learn how to make money and pay for my academy debt next year and to rent an apartment.
but it figures out americans are poor now too and dont want to pay me so i can make furry porn for them???? fuck donald duck.
fuck russia. fuck capitalism. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i want to finish my crust pants, i want to make a game, i want to make art, i want to
but i'll figure it out, though. my girlfriend supports me. i support myself (i try to), so lets do this shit!!!!!!!!